habits
i've been thinking about this topic for quite some time and thought i'd put it out there. i have some bad habits. perhaps you do too. mine might be better or worse than yours. in fact, you might consider mine to be heinous. or you might think they are entirely inconsequential.
the fact is, i compulsively do things that i do not want to do.
i can't figure out why. and i can't figure out how to stop.
sometimes i can stop. take a break, if you will. i can distract myself, bribe myself, punish myself enough to stop for a while. sometimes days, occasionally months. but it always fails in the end, and i go back to doing that which i so do not want to do.
paul also mentioned something about this situation. i'm not sure if it is comforting, or dismaying, to know that he wrestled with the same issue.
the thing is, i am an intelligent, deliberate, dedicated, enthusiastic, and intentional sort of person. i go to the gym four to five times per week. my sock drawer is organized. my cds are in alphabetical order. the dog gets her shots on time. the dishwasher is routinely filled, run, and emptied. i live a controlled, orderly, mature sort of life. so why are there these things that i can't seem to get a handle on?
especially since these things are generally self-destructive? (and sometimes, just plain gross) (hence the term, bad habits). since the rest of my life is organized around being healthy and productive and responsible, it confounds me that these little (or big) things have such a degree of control.
sometimes, i know that i am about to engage in one of these bad habits. i tell myself, self, you do not want to do that. so then i do it, and i tell myself, self, you really should stop doing this. and then later i berate myself, self, you are a Bad Self and should not do that. and then perhaps i will vow to never do it again.
at least until next time.
(by the way, as i re-read this it strikes me that some of you might be alarmed by the tone of the opening. let me assure you that i am involved in no illegal seal-smuggling or casino-heisting or aything like that. as i said, you might find my bad habits to be entirely inconsequential)
the fact is, i compulsively do things that i do not want to do.
i can't figure out why. and i can't figure out how to stop.
sometimes i can stop. take a break, if you will. i can distract myself, bribe myself, punish myself enough to stop for a while. sometimes days, occasionally months. but it always fails in the end, and i go back to doing that which i so do not want to do.
paul also mentioned something about this situation. i'm not sure if it is comforting, or dismaying, to know that he wrestled with the same issue.
the thing is, i am an intelligent, deliberate, dedicated, enthusiastic, and intentional sort of person. i go to the gym four to five times per week. my sock drawer is organized. my cds are in alphabetical order. the dog gets her shots on time. the dishwasher is routinely filled, run, and emptied. i live a controlled, orderly, mature sort of life. so why are there these things that i can't seem to get a handle on?
especially since these things are generally self-destructive? (and sometimes, just plain gross) (hence the term, bad habits). since the rest of my life is organized around being healthy and productive and responsible, it confounds me that these little (or big) things have such a degree of control.
sometimes, i know that i am about to engage in one of these bad habits. i tell myself, self, you do not want to do that. so then i do it, and i tell myself, self, you really should stop doing this. and then later i berate myself, self, you are a Bad Self and should not do that. and then perhaps i will vow to never do it again.
at least until next time.
(by the way, as i re-read this it strikes me that some of you might be alarmed by the tone of the opening. let me assure you that i am involved in no illegal seal-smuggling or casino-heisting or aything like that. as i said, you might find my bad habits to be entirely inconsequential)
posted by saara at
6:36 PM
1 Comments:
yeah. biting your toenails is a pretty awful habit. i hear there's stuff you can put on your toes to keep yourself from doing that. ; )
By
CamoBunny, at 30 March, 2006 20:51
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