on the road again

so i am heading to fabulous orlando florida tomorrow morning for six long days. sounds nice, huh? yeah, except for the fact that i will be spending the ENTIRE WEEK inside a hotel, moving from conference room to conference room. we might as well be going to dubuque. (is that how you spell it? it seems much more exotic when you actually spell it out)

anyway, it's the national ms society's annual conference, where my colleagues and i will be educating and entertaining and motivating and inspiring and training about 900 of our closest friends. i'm quite looking forward to it, but i'm somewhat anxious as well- i have some small roles to play, and a few of these are making me nervous. take saturday morning, for example, when i will be addressing the entire conference (1200 or so silent staring faces...), with our ceo at my side. my heart starts pounding just thinking about it.

anyway i leave bright (thanks to our friend daylight savings) and early tomorrow, and come home saturday evening. a long week, but i'm hopeful that it will also be fun, and i'm looking forward to meeting a lot of my colleagues from across the country.

so it's not likely that i'll be posting much this week, and in case you become disturbed or alarmed at my absence, all i can say is, if i'm not back in 15 minutes, just wait longer!

cheerio just now.

objective correlative

for all the history of grief
an empty doorway and a maple leaf



for love
the leaning grasses and two lights above the sea

have you seen these?

my favorite commercial of all time

and

its sequel

not ignoring you...

there are a few of you out there who i owe phone calls, emails, and even money.


i haven't forgotten.



just so you know.

winter

first snow, today.

started falling early, little wet drops that hardly count as flakes. continued on through the day, starting to stick as i made my way home. now the flowers in my garden are bent over, blanketed, so that you might not guess there had ever been flowers there at all.


sort of like my heart.

the flip side

well.

did you miss me?

it's monday evening and suomies is at work, and the kitchen is cleaned and the missed episode of lost is watched, and the d-o-double-g is home safe and the outfit for tomorrow is chosen, and i'm feeling tired and contemplative.

read a good and sad book over the weekend- the memory keeper's daughter. it was wrenching, but hopeful.


hmm. i feel like i should have something interesting to say at this point.


oh well. you got anything interesting to say?

on a jet plane

i'm off to vegas, baby.


and all i have to say about that, is

nanny

nanny

boo

boo.



i'll see you, on the flip side.

bushwacked

someone came to my door tonight collecting for the democratic party. i think the correct term for my reaction was bemusement. i don't talk politics by the way, so don't even ask. he asked me what my political affiliation is, and i answered, independent, and then he asked if i would like to subvert bush's policies for the next two years. hmm. that's an interesting one. because certainly, i am no fan of bush. but on the other hand, he's the only president we have at the moment, and i guess i would prefer modifying his policies, to subverting them.

well isn't that special

so one of the things i have been thinking about lately is excellence.

because i know a lot of people who are really successful, really fantastically good at what they do. true experts, if you will. i count some of my closest friends and family members in this category.

i myself, however, am not one of these people.

now, now, wait just a second, before you jump up and start contradicting me, hear me out.

i am a pretty smart person. i know a lot about a lot of things. i’m good at a lot of things. pretty much, if there is something i want to do, i can do it. i can speak french and climb mountains and plink out a couple of songs on the piano, and i’ve trained a dog and can make a pretty tasty chocolate cake, i’m relatively sporty and relatively artistic, and so on. i am not trying to make myself look good here, by the way. i’m just saying, i’m relatively good at a lot of things. i am not, however, great. at anything. which is interesting.

i really think there must be two different kinds of people

(insert hilarious joke here: there are 10 kinds of people in the world. those who understand binary, and those who don’t)

(pause for raucous laughter to die down)

back to the two kinds of people.

there are the greats. the famous ones- painters and actors and musicians and doctors and leaders etc. and the not-so-famous ones- my friend the cardiologist, my father the theologian, my mother the literary genius, my relatives the business people, etc. people who really excel in what they do. maybe they have a couple of these amazing gifts, these great strengths. but maybe there are also some things they aren’t that great at. like they can’t bake a cake, or throw a ball, or figure out long division. (although, some of these people can actually do everything well, which is messing up my theory, and irritates me. but back to my point). so these people, they have great skills, but maybe only in limited arenas.

then the others of us. the oks. the goods. we are mediocre at everything. there’s nothing we can’t do, and nothing we can do supremely well. people don’t ask our advice on anything, and don’t expect us to have answers (which is good, because my answer generally is, i’m really not sure, and no, honestly, i don’t have an opinion about that).

i’m trying to decide how i feel about this.

because, i never really felt like i had a calling, i mean career-wise. i just know that i like to help people, and so i gravitated to the social service field. and i don’t really have any hobbies, anything that i pursue relentlessly. i like to do a little gardening, a little exercising, a lot of reading, and whatever have you… but i certainly don’t feel like there is some skill i want to be honing. i just like to do a little bit of a lot of things and have fun with it, and whatnot.

so i have some (ok, a lot of) jealousy of these people who are so clearly gifted in one way or another. like suomies. it is so obvious that he is supposed to be a doctor. he’s perfect for it. it’s perfect for him. he really obviously has the combination of skills and abilities that are making him successful. and i kind of think, so what am I here for? because if you know me, you know that there isn’t anything particularly special about me. i’m a nice person, that’s not my point, i just mean, people don’t say, wow that saara she sure is an amazing____, or, she’s so great at ______.

anyway i think i am ok with this, because i like who i am, and i like the things that i do, and the things that i can do, and i guess i am just wondering, do i have to do anything about this? is it ok to be the proverbial jack of all trades, master of none? or am i supposed to find (or invent?) my specialty?

tonight

do you know what my perfect evening is?

it is tonight.

a hot bath. a fire in the fireplace, the low sounds of r&b on the stereo, a glass of wine, a bar of chocolate, a heartbreaking and inspiring novel. words from someone i love, echoing in my ears.


i am grateful, whole, filled, true.

friday

so i have gotten email from a few old friends this week, and it has been very nice. i miss you people, you know?

vegetarian/working out kick has lost me 5 pounds or so, which is also nice.

fall is in full swing, although fortunately our Enormous Tree hasn't started dropping its leaves yet, so no raking so far.

suomies is going to las vegas on sunday for a week, i am going to join him on thursday for a long weekend. he has to work, i get to play. remember the pink bikini? i will be putting it to good use. i plan to spend 3 straight days at the pool. we are staying at the mandalay bay, where i have always wanted to stay. and we are going to see the cirque du soleil show "o" which i hear is awesome. i have never seen one of these shows (except on tv) (which hardly counts) so i am excited.

did i mention that i have monday off of work? because it's columbus day, and all. we at the national multiple sclerosis society are dedicated to preserving the memory of our landmass' discoverer yea those many years ago... seriously people, who gets columbus day off?!? not that i am complaining, of course. no indeed.

this will be my third straight weekend of having houseguests. i do enjoy having friends (and family) (and more family) stay with us, but i am tired of washing the sheets. (not so tired, however, as to preclude me from washing them yet again should you, dear reader, care to pay me a visit, yourself.)


someone asked me recently, do they sell a lot of dr. pepper in denver?

i wasn't sure how to reply.

i think they do.

at least, they do to me.