hard
hey buddies
i don't really have much to say today. so i thought i would tell you what i learned from a Certain Professional last night.
we were talking about communication/behavioral styles. you know, the whole passive/aggressive/assertive thing. which i've heard about before, but haven't given a whole lot of thought to. so it seems that in some of my primary relationships, i tend towards the passive. the Professional describes this as being a 'nice' person. one that is dishonest (sure, i'd love to help you move this weekend (internal grumble)), but always appropriate (in time and place) and respectful, but generally indirect. ok so yes, this pretty much describes me. i would really rather not tell you that you have hurt me. rather not bring it up and create conflict or make you feel bad for making me feel bad, i'd rather just feel bad all to myself. the other end of this spectrum is the aggressive type, the honest but inappropriate and disrespectful, albeit direct, type. this is so not me. pretty much ever.
then we have the assertive type, the Type To Which We All Aspire. this is the type that is honest, appropriate, respectful, and direct. this is not the nice person, but rather the kind person. and the kind of person i would like to be.
the thing is, though, that i really am this person. and i think a lot of you would probably agree. i am like this at work. i am like this with a lot of my friends. but i am not this in my primary relationships.
(although i did try it- once upon a time i told someone honestly and appropriately and respectfully and directly that they had hurt me... and it pretty much backfired. i guess they weren't ready for the assertive saara.)
but the thing about being assertive (and here is where the engligh major saara kicks in) is that being Honest Appropriate Respectful and Direct is HARD. (nice little acrostic, huh?) yes, it is hard. hard for me, but probably hard for most people. we nice people don't like to rock the boat, don't like to confront people. but it is healthier and better for relationships to be honest.
right?
yes, right.
so that was my homework for the week, and i think i just might try it.
i don't really have much to say today. so i thought i would tell you what i learned from a Certain Professional last night.
we were talking about communication/behavioral styles. you know, the whole passive/aggressive/assertive thing. which i've heard about before, but haven't given a whole lot of thought to. so it seems that in some of my primary relationships, i tend towards the passive. the Professional describes this as being a 'nice' person. one that is dishonest (sure, i'd love to help you move this weekend (internal grumble)), but always appropriate (in time and place) and respectful, but generally indirect. ok so yes, this pretty much describes me. i would really rather not tell you that you have hurt me. rather not bring it up and create conflict or make you feel bad for making me feel bad, i'd rather just feel bad all to myself. the other end of this spectrum is the aggressive type, the honest but inappropriate and disrespectful, albeit direct, type. this is so not me. pretty much ever.
then we have the assertive type, the Type To Which We All Aspire. this is the type that is honest, appropriate, respectful, and direct. this is not the nice person, but rather the kind person. and the kind of person i would like to be.
the thing is, though, that i really am this person. and i think a lot of you would probably agree. i am like this at work. i am like this with a lot of my friends. but i am not this in my primary relationships.
(although i did try it- once upon a time i told someone honestly and appropriately and respectfully and directly that they had hurt me... and it pretty much backfired. i guess they weren't ready for the assertive saara.)
but the thing about being assertive (and here is where the engligh major saara kicks in) is that being Honest Appropriate Respectful and Direct is HARD. (nice little acrostic, huh?) yes, it is hard. hard for me, but probably hard for most people. we nice people don't like to rock the boat, don't like to confront people. but it is healthier and better for relationships to be honest.
right?
yes, right.
so that was my homework for the week, and i think i just might try it.
posted by saara at
1:45 PM
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