on second thought
i am conflict-averse. i am conflict-avoidant. i don't like to fight. i don't like it when other people fight. and it's not even just the fighting. i really don't enjoy disagreements of any kind. can't we all just get along? all i want is for everyone to be in perfect harmony, all of the time.
undoubtedly, my personal sensitivity to conflict perhaps makes me misjudge other people's level of sensitivity. what i find uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing might be stimulating or energizing or at least tolerable to someone else.
all of which is to say, perhaps i have dramatized the relationships between my trifecta a bit too much.
undoubtedly, my personal sensitivity to conflict perhaps makes me misjudge other people's level of sensitivity. what i find uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing might be stimulating or energizing or at least tolerable to someone else.
all of which is to say, perhaps i have dramatized the relationships between my trifecta a bit too much.
posted by saara at
6:09 AM
4 Comments:
being a conflict-avoidant person myself, i know that it is helpful when others understand my sensitivity to conflict and regulate their behavior accordingly. knowing that that is often too much to expect of others, though, i am working on developing coping mechanisms for when conflict is unavoidable.
one of my favorites is the "peas and carrots" method, also known as the "ostrich" method. i put my fingers in my ears and say aloud, "peas and carrots peas and carrots peas and carrots." this is one way to figuratively bury my head in the sand and minimize my exposure to the conflict while not engaging in the conflict myself.
i am not saying it is healthy, but it is effective and sometimes even fun.
By
CamoBunny, at 13 April, 2006 09:33
and also, people think you're crazy.
By
saara, at 13 April, 2006 10:25
which is part of the fun! the other part is that the fighting people get embarrassed. mostly embarrassed to be seen with you. and they don't fight anymore.
By
CamoBunny, at 13 April, 2006 13:41
ooh! ooh! me! tooh!
I was going to suggest you just stay out of it and let these three prickly-to-one-another but soft-and-cuddly-to-you persons fight it out amongst themselves. In other words, don't make it your problem. Or let them do so.
I was also going to suggest that when two couples of a set of three are involved in disputes (however petty in nature), it seems that one of the three persons must always be involved in one of these couples and this is, perhaps, not a coincidence.
Also that there might be something about you that either diffuses the conflictive nature of these persons whilst they for example illicit it from each other.
Also that a little friendly sparring can be fun, but watch out because all three of these (it is secretly known to me) can be rather soft and sensitive on the underbelly side and so are very glad indeed to have a friend like you who isn't always poking them down there.
If you know what I mean.
By
AlleyCat, at 18 April, 2006 04:55
Post a Comment
<< Home