hmmm...

my lunch today (frozen dinner) has some surprising features.

the box says, the vegetables are "flash-frozen at the peak of perfection."

umm...

can you have a peak of perfection? i mean, it's either perfect, or it's not, right? it's not like perfection has peaks and valleys. it's all just one nice level plane of perfection. presumably there are varying degrees of other features, say, freshness, or ripeness, or deliciousness. but i am pretty sure that perfection is its own discrete attribute.

food for thought, if you will.

ow

easter came and went, and my family did not call me

how to make me happy in one easy step

NO-BAKE CHOCOLATE COOKIES


2 c. sugar
1/2 c. milk
1 stick butter
1 tbsp. cocoa
2 tbsp. peanut butter
2 c. quick oats, uncooked
1 tsp. vanilla

combine sugar, milk, butter and cocoa in a saucepan; cook over low heat until mixture boils. boil 4 minutes. remove from heat, stir in peanut butter, oats and vanilla. drop from teaspoonfuls onto waxed paper.

poem for the day

oh, if you’re a bird, be an early bird
and catch the worm for your breakfast plate.
if you’re a bird, be an early bird—
but if you’re a worm, sleep late.

-shel silverstein

on second thought

i am conflict-averse. i am conflict-avoidant. i don't like to fight. i don't like it when other people fight. and it's not even just the fighting. i really don't enjoy disagreements of any kind. can't we all just get along? all i want is for everyone to be in perfect harmony, all of the time.

undoubtedly, my personal sensitivity to conflict perhaps makes me misjudge other people's level of sensitivity. what i find uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing might be stimulating or energizing or at least tolerable to someone else.

all of which is to say, perhaps i have dramatized the relationships between my trifecta a bit too much.

to tell?

i have a colleague who was ill. very ill, for a very long time. she was out of the office for months. she ran out of vacation days, and ran out of paid disability.

so i donated some of my vacation days to her.

i didn't tell her.

actually, i didn't tell anyone. (except for you, studio audience)

she is back at work now and i want her to know how much i care about her, and what i did for her. but i don't want her to feel indebted to me or anything, i just want her to know that i cared. and care. about her.

maybe i could just tell her that.

my trifecta

so there are three individuals of whom i am very fond. really quite deeply fond. i have known these individuals (a) my whole life (b) a little over 10 years and (c) about a year (at least, known well). they all know each other, at least indirectly. all of them are very kind and generous and friendly and sociable, but at least 2 pairs of them (think about it) have been known to butt heads with each other, in varying degrees. leaving me to intermediate (or else ignore it and hope they resolve it between themselves), as i hate it when people i am fond of are not fond of each other. (the third pair seem to get along fine, but perhaps they have never yet been given the opportunity to not?)

my point being, why is it that these people have trouble getting along with each other as well as they get along with me?

because i get along with each of them quite swimmingly.

i have found that people who clash often do so because they share similar characteristics. and so i wonder if these individuals are really not so different after all? (which leads me to an entire additional (a whole nother) set of questions, which we will not consider here).

my second point, or question rather, being, what can i do to help these individuals get along better? (of particular interest, a certain pair of them will be spending a significant amount of time living in close quarters in the near future, and i would be happiest if everyone were playing nicely together)

another question being, perhaps, what is it about this particular type of person, that i so readily develop fondness for them? (presuming that there is such a type, and that these three fall into it). which is a silly question really, because honestly, what is there not to like about them?

unhappy afternoon

m & d (that is, my parents) are visiting sisko, across the sea.

i feel bereft.

even though i never see them anyway.

perhaps i mostly feel jealous?

also, i ate many brownies today, which was a Bad Idea on many levels.

and i also had to have lunch with someone i do not enjoy having lunch with.

and it is 70-something degrees and oh so sunny, and here i am in my cube in the depths of the office, nary a window in sight.

i could go on.

i shall not.

instead i will be sneaky-peting my way out of here, maybe grab a coffee, and go home.

resulting in a hopefully-happier afternoon.


although, the promise of thursday margaritas brings some measure of hope.

habits, revisited

well you may have guessed it but one of my afore-mentioned bad habits is biting my nails. it is unsanitary, and childish, and makes me look all raggedy and unprofessional.

so i now have fake nails.

which sounds so awful that i hope you will not think bad and disparaging thoughts about me.

back to the nails.

they actually look very nice. they are acrylic, actually they are gel acrylic, which means they charge you an extra 10 bucks to add a shiny topcoat. but they do look nice, not too long and gaudy, and i have a french manicure, which looks sort of classy i think.

but here's the problem.

i bite my fake nails. yes, i have chewed the acrylic right off of my pinkie finger. it hurts. and it looks WAY worse than just regular bitten nails. half of the nail still has the acrylic attached. the other half is all scarred and soft. it's really quite awful. but i can't seem to keep it out of my mouth. i am ashamed, and appalled, and i thought perhaps that writing about it might be the impetus to stop.

not so much.

sigh.

update, the second

well it's friday finally although the week has seemed off kilter from the start.

thank you all for asking, the job interview on tuesday out in denver went quite well. it was long and exhausting but seems like a pretty cool job and i think they liked me as well. in fact, potential-future-boss called this morning to reinforce their interest in me and to try to gauge my interest in them.

which brings me to my next point.

by all accounts, i am very interested in them. the job itself sounds cool. the person who currently does it, loves it. the team is great- kind and down to earth and passionate. the office/environment is relaxed, friendly, open. the mission of the organization is right up my alley. but something... something is giving me pause. i can't put my finger on it. is it self-doubt? not sure i can live up to their expectations? my loathing to be classified as a salesperson? anxiety about having to travel? fear that i sold myself too well, that i'm really not that great, and soon they will figure it out and regret hiring me?

anyway, i am nagged by these thoughts.

so this weekend i plan to spend some Quality Time on the job hunt, just to check out other options...


the other thing that i would like to say, just for the record, is that i completely love my current job, and am very sorry to be leaving it. i have a new boss who is Fantastic and Excellent and i will miss him, as well as my other dear friends and colleagues, more than i care to think about just yet.

juiced

you may have read in an earlier post that i have been the awed and humbled recipient of several fantastic gifts lately.

another arrived in the post today.

sisko sent me a jamba juice gift card.

this may not seem like much, but i love jamba juice. i mean, i love it. i fantasize about it. i visit their website regularly. i own the recipe book (thanks, goetzgirl). i own the merchandise. i am quite convinced that they put an addictive chemical in it (that makes you crave it fortnightly). there are no jamba juices in st. louis. there are many in denver. soon i will leave st. louis and go to denver. very soon, in fact. in 2 days. and then again in several months. and then i will have jamba juice whenever i want. and now i can have some for free!

thanks sisko.