hard

hey buddies

i don't really have much to say today. so i thought i would tell you what i learned from a Certain Professional last night.

we were talking about communication/behavioral styles. you know, the whole passive/aggressive/assertive thing. which i've heard about before, but haven't given a whole lot of thought to. so it seems that in some of my primary relationships, i tend towards the passive. the Professional describes this as being a 'nice' person. one that is dishonest (sure, i'd love to help you move this weekend (internal grumble)), but always appropriate (in time and place) and respectful, but generally indirect. ok so yes, this pretty much describes me. i would really rather not tell you that you have hurt me. rather not bring it up and create conflict or make you feel bad for making me feel bad, i'd rather just feel bad all to myself. the other end of this spectrum is the aggressive type, the honest but inappropriate and disrespectful, albeit direct, type. this is so not me. pretty much ever.

then we have the assertive type, the Type To Which We All Aspire. this is the type that is honest, appropriate, respectful, and direct. this is not the nice person, but rather the kind person. and the kind of person i would like to be.

the thing is, though, that i really am this person. and i think a lot of you would probably agree. i am like this at work. i am like this with a lot of my friends. but i am not this in my primary relationships.

(although i did try it- once upon a time i told someone honestly and appropriately and respectfully and directly that they had hurt me... and it pretty much backfired. i guess they weren't ready for the assertive saara.)

but the thing about being assertive (and here is where the engligh major saara kicks in) is that being Honest Appropriate Respectful and Direct is HARD. (nice little acrostic, huh?) yes, it is hard. hard for me, but probably hard for most people. we nice people don't like to rock the boat, don't like to confront people. but it is healthier and better for relationships to be honest.

right?

yes, right.

so that was my homework for the week, and i think i just might try it.

rocking and riding

oh the other thing i wanted to tell you, is that i am going to be a rock star.

so most of you know that i work for a large national charity, and my primary job description for said organization is to raise money. actually, i just manage the people who raise the money. however, i am now putting my proverbial money where my proverbial mouth is, and actually doing something to raise money, myself.

i am the new team captain for the home office homies, the national office team for our local colorado bike ride.

the bike ride. ah yes. perhaps i should rephrase it. the ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILE bike ride. yes, that's the one. the one where you ride your bike for A HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILES. over the course of two days.

it's a fundraiser, and apparently also quite a good time.

there are, however, a few minor complications.


for example, that i do not own a road bike.

also, that i have never ridden a bike for more than, say, 30 miles at a stretch.


anyway, i am actually pretty excited about it. for quite a while i have wanted, albeit in a sort of passive, wistful sort of way, to be a cyclist. and also, i really do care about the cause we are supporting (that is, the eradication of multiple sclerosis). and i think it will be fun. and a great way to get in shape (see resolution #3). cyclists have pretty great legs, and all.

so.

consider this your 2 minute warning, by the way, that you will at some point in the next few months be approached by yours truly for a contribution to my efforts. i'll get into the touchy-feely pr stuff later, but suffice to say, that facing the prospect of riding my non-existent bike for 150 miles is a lot easier than facing the prospect of a life affected by ms.


but it still makes me a rock star.

big fat lie

eating a few m&m's does NOT in fact satisfy your craving for chocolate.

what it in fact does, is rev up that craving, like pouring kerosene on your fire. what was initially just a vague little mmm, it would be nice to have something sweet, is instantaneously transformed into a raging, insistent, un-ignorable NEED for more. i simply MUST go back and pour the entire 32-ounce bag of m&m's down my throat. there is no getting around it.


anyway i am blaming my misery and agony on the diet industry which blithely suggests nibbling 5 m&m's when a craving strikes...


as. if.

yo

it's a bit of a catch-22. which i'd like to talk about.

i started to read that book. i could not finish it. it is one of only two or three books that i haven't been able to finish.

what is interesting, is that someone i know well finds this book to be their favorite book of all time.

anyway.

the catch-22 of which i speak is this- that i want to post, but have nothing interesting to say. so i can choose to either (a) not post (see previous 6 days) or (b) post something non-interesting (see today). both of which leave me feeling impotent and useless.

not quite the proverbial rock and a hard place, but something like that.


so what can i possibly tell you.

it is cold here. still.
our energy bill for the last 30 days was $320.

um, are you kidding me??

although, thinking fondly of my frequently-made-homeless-by-power-outages friend amy back in the lou, i suppose i should be thankful i have electricity at all... but still and all.

went skiing this past monday (props to mlk for facilitating a day off) and it turns out that i am a complete rock star. i'm sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that i was on New and Fantastic skis. nope, it was my mad skillz. anway, and please refer to an earlier clause, it was cold. like, butt cold. like -8 degrees. farenheit.

i think to myself, why do people do this? and more urgently, why do i do this?

otherwise...

work is busy and good. although i feel somewhat resentful that my boss doesn't completely appreciate how superior i am to all of my fellow employees, i am still managing to work pretty hard and get some good stuff accomplished. which is a good feeling.


taking the hotrod to get a bath on saturday morning.

speaking of which. let's talk about magnesium chloride. thoughts? i like it, myself. though it leaves this strange non-see-throughable film on the rear windshield (how does it even get on the rear windshield?) . but overall, i find it to be a preferable product to the sodium chloride. so. nicely done, denver department of transportation or whomever you might be.

spending sunday afternoon with a friend from work, watching hours of football. and hopefully there will also be beer.

(aside: am i turning into a guy, that the highlights of my weekend are washing my car and watching football?)


um...

i ate yogurt with honey and almonds for breakfast.
big cup of bad coffee during the morning.
palak paneer and a coke zero for lunch.
huge handful of m&m's during a conference call.
i am anticpating an apple within the next hour or so.
dinner will be fried rice. possibly (who am i kidding? definitely) some chocolate.



yes people, i am resorting to telling you what i ate today. this is how low i have sunk. this is seriously all i have to say. i am so humiliated.

oh i did want to say a sneaky little thanks to amy for your niceness on your blog- thank you. i appreciate your friendship and will surely be availing myself of it shortly.

and to jen-nay. i feel completely left out, having apparently not received the email about the a/c vents.

ok well i feel like i should stop. i actually feel like i never should have started, but i am trying to keep at least ONE of my new year's resolutions.

oh and in case you were wondering, i am 2/10 of the way there on resolution number 3.

cheers!

moving on

so seriously, the best part of a birthday has to be the morning after.


cake for breakfast.



anyway i am now 30 and a day, and it has turned out to be ok after all. yesterday was pretty depressing. and by pretty i mean excrutiatingly. but today is a new day and all of that, and i'm fine.

got some nice presents and some phone calls and emails, and lunch with friends and dinner with suomies and dad. and cake, let's not forget the cake.

brighter days...

don't stop even for the right thing
does it matter what i say?
my whole world was by that river
flowin' north to meet the sea each day
i don't want to move away

you look at me and ya say "what's wrong boy?"
what else do you want me to say?
i don't want to leave tomorrow
been and gone but i belong here now
your big world can wait another day

brighter days where did they go?

i am hopeful for where i'm goin'
but i belong in the south
that was where i's born a po' boy
livin' life like there's no end in sight
even so I've done without

brighter days where did they go?

boy you about to hit the bottom
i'll be alone i feel i'm movin' where
to a land you never saw and I see you 'bout to hit the bottom
lord help me move away to a land you never saw
and i've seen

brighter days where did they go?

-mofro

30 is the new...?

the big day. the big 3-0.

kind of depressing.



sisko and mr. cat sent flowers. buddies at work are taking me out to lunch. dinner tonight with suomies and dad.

so i can't complain.





but i don't have to like it.

cold. bereft.

welcome to my 100th post.

greetings from minnesota, where i am playing nanook of the north. seriously people, it is completely freezing here. and the sun didn't rise until 8:30. it's nuts.

things are sad today.

mom is in california tending to grandma, who is ill.

sisko's kitty died yesterday.

today is the last day of this particular decade.


i am feeling desperately sad.

if you're the praying type...

please keep grandma in your thoughts...

she was admitted to the hospital last night. adverse drug reaction, pneumonia.


lord, in your mercy.

brief sampling - redux

resolutions

oh and i did make a couple of resolutions. one of them was going to be, update the blog more frequently, but it's already the third day of the year and i'm only on my first (well, second now) post, so i decided since i have already failed at the resolutions (a) i must not have been very resolute and (b) why set myself up like that?


so the other one i have borrowed from thoreau:

go confidently in the direction of your dreams! live the life you've imagined.


and of course i am going to lose the requisite ten pounds and walk the d-o-double-g more frequently.

ach

why is it that i have so much difficulty posting these days?

a lot has actually happened since we last spoke. suomies and i spent a weekend in st. louis, seeing a few friends and attending a wedding. we dropped by my old office (too bad everyone had taken the day off!) and suprised amy at the spa, and then spent the evening with a bunch of my former arc buddies. it was fantastic- so good to see you people! i have some really cool friends, just so you know. the wedding and reception were nice, and we also spent some time with friends from church which was also nice.

so we got hit by two blizzards in the last two weeks, which you may have heard about on the weather channel or cnn or something. we got about 40 inches at the pink house. which was interesting, seeing as how there are precisely no snow shovels for sale anywhere in the state of colorado. you would think, wouldn't you, that most people who live here probably already own a snow shovel. it does snow here on a fairly regular basis. so it is mystifying to me that every target and home depot and ace hardware and you name it, has sold out. anyway, the lack of snow shovel made for some very interesting and creative snow removal techniques. such as sweeping it with a big broom. and using a garden shovel. and borrowing the neighbors' snow shovel.

hmm. i guess those aren't that interesting or creative after all.

anyway, it was a lot of snow. and it has stayed pretty cold, so it still is a lot of snow.

fortunately my hotrod handles very nicely on the ice, and has heated seats and heated rear-view mirror defrosters, and makes me very happy.

so one unfortunate consequence of the snow was the closing for two days of the local airport, leaving sisko and mr. cat stranded in toronto on their way to come visit. it turned out ok, since they have friends there whom they were able to play with, but it was a bummer nonetheless. anyway once they finally arrived we had a lovely time, replete with food and drink and general carousing.

christmas was nice, all the family together at m&d's house, gifts all around etc.

we rang in the new year at a gala put on by our church, which was interesting. it is not every day that the band at church plays 'sex machine' and 'let's get it on.' and they ran out of alcohol. it was a bit surreal.


anyway so we are now in a new year. it promises to be a year of challenges and changes. but i guess, every year is. anyway one big change for me happens in 8 days. if you aren't sure what i'm talking about, i'll tell you more about it later.

oh did you want to know what i got for christmas? here is a brief sampling:



well, it was going to be a brief sampling, but stupid stupid blogger won't upload the photos. so i suppose i will just have to leave you in suspense. sorry, charlie.

so anyway that's the update for now.

happy new year.